It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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