I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
