The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
