omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
