Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
