Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
time to smoke my breakfast
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
