The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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