The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
