dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
