So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Do vagina's smell?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
