She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
