I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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