You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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