Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I FOUND THE LEGS
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
