Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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