imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
