he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
