I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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