So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
