I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
