I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Randomize
