I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize