She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
