It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
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