and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
