can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
