im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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