just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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