Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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