i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
