Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
