So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I did not marry a roomba.
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