conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
