Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
