My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
