i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
