we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
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