i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I just forgot I was standing up.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
how does that bad decision feel?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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