so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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