i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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