i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Randomize