Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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