His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
