You really coming over, don't trick.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
