herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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