Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
