So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize