I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Randomize
