I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
