So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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