it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
