You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
