what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
