I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
