Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize