The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
