there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
