dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i just had sex bonerless
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
