I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
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