Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Randomize
