Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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