If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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