Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
